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A New Way to Look At Things… The Paradox of the Gripe…😮  

Paulxx001 66M
8702 posts
6/1/2020 8:48 am

Last Read:
6/24/2020 4:21 am

A New Way to Look At Things… The Paradox of the Gripe…😮

The voices in my head had finally formed a gentle chorus in perfect harmony. And then, I stepped out of my daze and into the bright LED spotlights of that obnoxiously loud and packed auditorium. “Oh for fuck's sake, can you people just shut up and go home?” I thought to myself. I don’t do well in crowds. But then I realized something… 

I had a choice, didn’t I? I could have walked away and that would have solved the problem. I might have gotten up to the front of the stage, grabbed the microphone and told them to turn down the blaring music and blinding lights and for everyone to stop fricken shouting. That might have cured my burden; or would they have escorted me out of the building? I should have brought a pair of ear plugs to dampen that roar. Those plugs would have helped but defeated the purpose of my presence. Or I might have smiled confidently, pretended nothing bothered me and I had ALL my shit together. But who likes smiling, smug people who seem to have ALL their shit together? Not to mention the obvious invitation I’d be presenting to my friends for all their complaints. 

Even as I contemplated announcing my displeasure to the folks I was with, would any of them be sympathetic to my plight or would they simply find me annoying? If I was lucky would another, hear my lament then begin to compare their beefs with mine? Many of us are already luckier than we think we are. I should have felt grateful for the luxury of being invited into that hall and the privilege of listening to an ‘expert’ in their field.

So what is one supposed to do if one can’t change things? Don’t complain!

Trouble is I don’t believe you shouldn’t bitch about something just because there might be someone worse off than you. If that were the case then there’d be only ONE person at the front of that cosmic line, right? I realized what I should do is, simply take my negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones.

And that's what I’ve been trying to do - ever since I typed these words. So far, I’m faring really well. I’m going to try to make it through the rest of the week without bitching once. People have already noticed the change in me. Recently, I’ve been getting quizzical stares from acquaintances; when I point out the positives of any situation we’re in or comment on topics we’re discussing. They jokingly ask the name of my new pharmacist. I don’t have the heart to tell them it’s a new philosophy I’m trying to swallow.

It goes down really well with a frozen 'pineapple, vodka slushy' - I might add. We’ll see…

.....................................
*NOTE: Today is National Say Something Nice Day. Give it a try... 😊




Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 8:49 am

Do you think complaining helps?🤔
Or… does it depend on what you’re complaining about?

Take this site for instance…
Is it worth complaining about all the shit going on?😎
I should talk... lol 😂


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 8:49 am

Well… You already know what I’ve been trying.

I think a lot of it DOES depend on what it is that happens to be bugging you. I really don’t do well in crowds at ALL. 

Yet I often find myself in the midst of one.❗😮


Tmptrzz 61F  
107039 posts
6/1/2020 11:22 am

I think you should always start off with positive thoughts, but don't deny your angry ones either as it's never good to hold them in. I hope your Monday is a great start to your week..

Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on..


sexyldy1000 68F  
9607 posts
6/1/2020 11:40 am

Some people like to complain just to hear their own voice or to try and make someone else's life just as miserable as their own. I have seen it first hand while waiting in line in various situations. I try to make a joke with those around me. It's too bad that people seem afraid to speak to one another even more now than they ever did. The pandemic isn't meant to silence us, yet some seem to use it as their excuse.


superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
6/1/2020 11:49 am

I think everyone needs to complain once in a while. It's called venting....like the release valve on a pressure cooker. It may not change things but it keeps one from exploding. The key is in the phrase 'once in a while'.

Thanks for reminding me .... I have a Bahama Mama in the freezer!

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


lust4life59 65F  
2552 posts
6/1/2020 1:14 pm

Complaining just for the sake of complaining is self defeating. Now complaining because you feel the need for a change and the complaints are directed to the person or organization who can make the change are completely different.


CoolLightSkin 29F
2 posts
6/1/2020 1:44 pm

I love this blog


mc_justmc 63M

6/1/2020 2:55 pm

I can always find something to bitch about, and often find I regret it. I swear in an earlier life I probably bitched to myself about being near the end of a long line only to discover much too late I was at Auschwitz. My bitching usually bites me in the ass.


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:02 pm

    Quoting  :

Good point. But how about work? No matter WHAT or HOW you say things - in some environments - nothing changes.
Take MY company for example...lol
Thanks for your POV.


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:04 pm

    Quoting Tmptrzz:
    I think you should always start off with positive thoughts, but don't deny your angry ones either as it's never good to hold them in. I hope your Monday is a great start to your week..
Ooo... THAT's a great point !
Keeping stuff in is NEVER a good idea. But wait a minute ... isn't that why someone invented the gym and yoga and meditation? lol ... Yep... I gotta try one of those, once in a while.
Do you have a stress reliever assistant?


LadyLuck2 67F  
9091 posts
6/1/2020 3:06 pm

I get very nervous in large crowds. I hate being on an NYC subway or even walking down crowded sidewalks. And yet, I often found myself at the speaker's dais in an auditorium filled with people. That was another life.

How we choose to view the world is up to us and our ability to recognize that we have the courage within us to change. When my step-children would start their day by whining and criticizing I would ask them: are you going to spend your day being miserable or being happy? Your choice.

It's not always easy to find a bright spot or good news when you're surrounded by people wallowing in negativity like pigs in mud. And sometimes being the Pollyanna of a group feels awkward and embarrassing. So I usually try to give a sincere compliment to the person making the critical remark such as "You have an insightful mind or You have a great sense of hyperbole or Your sarcasm always makes me smile." Or I redirect the entire topic of conversation.

Now, I enjoy smaller groups of quiet conversations. You'd fit in just fine on my porch.

Never ignore those who care for you
you will have lost diamonds
while you were collecting stones


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:07 pm

    Quoting  :

I have a friend who I can bounce my frustrations by on various topics. If I didn't have them? OMG... lol
Anyway... I'm going to start doing more yoga and exercising more. I think THAT will help. They say that if your body is feeling good - then so will your mind.
I hope you have a friend in your sphere who you can bounce things off before they accumulate and build up tension.


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:11 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    I think everyone needs to complain once in a while. It's called venting....like the release valve on a pressure cooker. It may not change things but it keeps one from exploding. The key is in the phrase 'once in a while'.

    Thanks for reminding me .... I have a Bahama Mama in the freezer!
Good point!
Venting is a good way to release tension and built up frustrations...
But isn't the gym or meditation or other means a more productive way of venting? Especially when you CAN'T change a situation?
Now...I'm not saying ALL the time, but certainly MOST of the time. No?
Bahama Mama... I had to google THAT one !!!
Hmmm... very similar to a vodka pineapple slushy !!! Cheers !


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:16 pm

    Quoting lust4life59:
    Complaining just for the sake of complaining is self defeating. Now complaining because you feel the need for a change and the complaints are directed to the person or organization who can make the change are completely different.
Good point.
I wonder if people have been disappointed and ignored in the past and have? I know in companies I've worked for - complaints were completely ignored. Usually the 'complainers' disappeared - after a while. OMG...lol...Where did they go?
I'm wondering if organizations aren't filled with people - leaders - who themselves, are afraid to make a change for the better. Ya know what I mean?
It's almost as if it's a loop. But I get your point !


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:20 pm

    Quoting mamacita38dd:
    Done with the negative here... but yet behind the scenes you keep running your mouth? A fraud is fraud plain and simple, once you are exposed... you should just keep 🤫🤫🤫
Uh... oh...
What about ; 'say something nice day?" lol

That is SO true - we NEVER really know what is going on behind the scenes.
I would bring up companies and governments - as a perfect example. But I don't talk politics here.
So... besides venting - do you use other means to blow off steam?
Bike, exercise, sex... karate?
I'm trying yoga. Have you ever tried one of those exotic complaint and stress relieving methods?
I'll let you know how that works out for me...


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:22 pm

And I'm very happy that you do!
How much do you REALLY love it?
Pop in any time...


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:29 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    I can always find something to bitch about, and often find I regret it. I swear in an earlier life I probably bitched to myself about being near the end of a long line only to discover much too late I was at Auschwitz. My bitching usually bites me in the ass.
lol... Funny in such an inappropriate way. But I laughed anyway...
yep... Can you imagine ? FFS... Thanks...Some of my friends would appreciate this one. They can get away with repeating it.

It sounds like you and I, drive the same bus and that's why I'm trying something different. How many times can I bitch about stuff?
A lot... let me tell you ... lol


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:36 pm

    Quoting sexyldy1000:
    Some people like to complain just to hear their own voice or to try and make someone else's life just as miserable as their own. I have seen it first hand while waiting in line in various situations. I try to make a joke with those around me. It's too bad that people seem afraid to speak to one another even more now than they ever did. The pandemic isn't meant to silence us, yet some seem to use it as their excuse.
Ooops.... Was I standing behind you ? Omg... lol
That sounds like me sometimes. I don't really complain as much as voice an opinion about how messed up something might be. Rather than blandly accept a situation - I point out an alternative way to do something. Usually with some humour.
So... Ya notice everyone clamping down , do ya? Same here and it's not right. Paranoia is gripping everyone's throat... that's for sure.
I still talk with them. You ?


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 3:49 pm

    Quoting LadyLuck2:
    I get very nervous in large crowds. I hate being on an NYC subway or even walking down crowded sidewalks. And yet, I often found myself at the speaker's dais in an auditorium filled with people. That was another life.

    How we choose to view the world is up to us and our ability to recognize that we have the courage within us to change. When my step-children would start their day by whining and criticizing I would ask them: are you going to spend your day being miserable or being happy? Your choice.

    It's not always easy to find a bright spot or good news when you're surrounded by people wallowing in negativity like pigs in mud. And sometimes being the Pollyanna of a group feels awkward and embarrassing. So I usually try to give a sincere compliment to the person making the critical remark such as "You have an insightful mind or You have a great sense of hyperbole or Your sarcasm always makes me smile." Or I redirect the entire topic of conversation.

    Now, I enjoy smaller groups of quiet conversations. You'd fit in just fine on my porch.
lol... You sound like me. Exactly !
Having played in a band for years and years and being an adept public speaker - I NEVER minded being up on the front of the stage. I HATE, being in the crowd though. Perhaps I'm an elitist snob? omg ... lol
Hmmm... I like your approach to complimenting the complainers. I'll have to try that once in a while.
These days I vent quite a bit while I'm driving alone in the car or sitting at home in front of the TV.
Smaller groups is more my style. I DO enjoy THOSE !
So... ya think there's room on your porch for a grumbler like me? I'd bite my tongue... or chew on whatever else you'd serve me. lol...


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 4:22 pm

    Quoting mamacita38dd:
    In our conversations, have I not been nice... you know me Pablo.

    What I hate is a hypocrite, someone that says something in public, but does the opposite behind everyones back. This could have ended a long time ago with a simple apology, but some people are too stubborn to admit when they are wrong. It's that I'm better than everybody bs, I am the one with the crown on my head and I don't even do that shit. Some men just don't get they are part of the circus and just entertaining a clown!
Hmmm...
Well, I imagine everyone can be used if they LET themselves be used.
And then there are those who don't even KNOW they are being used - or look at the big picture; and just don't care.
I mean... there are only so many battles individuals can choose to fight, without running out of energy - right?
But let's face it - sometimes the audience is SOOOO small, that circus folk and clowns and even the main acts - are playing to empty houses. Ya know what I mean?

I haven't been to a circus in years. Except of course to the Cirque de Soleil - which was great. Have you been recently ? The're harder and harder to come by. I recall when I was a kid I went to Barnum and Bailey...They're out of business - sadly. People got upset with the animal acts. Hmmm...


smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
6/1/2020 5:49 pm

I try not to complain much... it helps that I’m retired! That’s the thing I remember complaining about the most - office politics, annoying coworkers, etc. Now I get to only hang out with the people who I WANT to spend time with.

Well, actually what with being in quarantine, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to do that. Maybe THAT is worth complaining about.


flannel_light 61F
4586 posts
6/1/2020 6:18 pm

As I sit here and read this, and the comments others had made, it got me to thinking that with the site it does not do any good to say anything except if some one is being very down right mean and verbal abusive to some of your status that you make , etc. I know the site will do something in that case, cause I had this happen to me. We made not like each other and that's alright but there is no need to be mean to somebody else here. The whole site doesn't need to know. I try not to complain but when I do I have a good reason for it. I just tell what I think now and leave it at that.

The Light is shinning and she is lonely and waiting in the darkness.


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 7:28 pm

    Quoting smartasswoman:
    I try not to complain much... it helps that I’m retired! That’s the thing I remember complaining about the most - office politics, annoying coworkers, etc. Now I get to only hang out with the people who I WANT to spend time with.

    Well, actually what with being in quarantine, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to do that. Maybe THAT is worth complaining about.
I like spending time with people I like to spend time with. Lucky you !
Although even at work - I stay from all that stuff. I learned long ago, none of that crap pays off. I bite my tongue... a LOT! lol...
I do have a sounding board (close friends and my brother) for other rants that capture my attention.
That whole quarantine thing is a worthy rant that I can understand you voicing an opinion about. I mean, I still get a chance to get out and exercise or walk around and stuff - but I'd go nuts if I was compelled to stare at my four walls.
I don't know how you do it as bravely as you do.
And then... there is all that stuff going on in your neck of the woods. I guess complaint would be the wrong word to use, but would voicing a concerned opinion be a better description?
Hmmm... With all the stuff going on everywhere, I'm less critical of the trafic jams I occasionally get stuck in. Ya know what I mean?


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/1/2020 7:38 pm

    Quoting flannel_light:
    As I sit here and read this, and the comments others had made, it got me to thinking that with the site it does not do any good to say anything except if some one is being very down right mean and verbal abusive to some of your status that you make , etc. I know the site will do something in that case, cause I had this happen to me. We made not like each other and that's alright but there is no need to be mean to somebody else here. The whole site doesn't need to know. I try not to complain but when I do I have a good reason for it. I just tell what I think now and leave it at that.
True about people making rude comments and being mean about other people's status.
Yep... You're right about that. Hey... some people have no manners - right ?
I understand what you mean. I try to laugh things off and look at where comments are coming from, take things with a grain of salt and perhaps... a vodka slushy to help things go down. lol
If ya need an ear ... feel free to use mine. I'll listen.


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/2/2020 12:28 am

    Quoting  :

There ya go! A friend since you were 3? Wow !
That must be some friendship. I only wish I had a friend who I've known that long. Good for you !
Let's keep on smiling. Day 2 of my push to always be positive. lol
Wish me luck !


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
6/2/2020 3:47 am

When I'm miserable, I'm a constant complainer. I can't even stop myself. The only thoughts in my mind are the thoughts of what is making me miserable. Lately, it's wearing masks at work. I feel for the people who work with me..... Nobody has told me to shut the fuck up yet, so, they must like me.


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/2/2020 5:49 am

    Quoting mamacita38dd:
    Pure 🐤💩 if you know what I mean... some men, good thing it's only a small percentage. Then you have the ones that think they are witty, but aren't, now Dio... that's witty, because he's smart after all, you know what I mean ok Pablo? My thoughts... clowns can be entertaining, to a point, then the entertainment wears off.
Pure? Really?
hmmm... I thought only partially, but everyone is entitled to an opinion.
Dio IS smart AND witty, no doubt; I'll take YOUR word on that.
I don't know him at all.

Let's face it though; we ALL can't be Dio. The world would be a boring place if we were. I prefer to dance to my own beat. "Live to your strengths" - ‘they’ say.

Take clowns for instance...
There's another thing I'm not an expert on. But the really funny ones are usually funny - most of the time. Yet humour is SO subjective, isn't it?
I mean, even the Beetles didn't produce a 'hit' with every song. But they came close.


scoupe42 60M

6/2/2020 6:29 am

Paul, when you do a blogs, you always get people thinking after they read it, this is a sign of a good blog!


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/2/2020 6:36 am

    Quoting secret_lade:
    When I'm miserable, I'm a constant complainer. I can't even stop myself. The only thoughts in my mind are the thoughts of what is making me miserable. Lately, it's wearing masks at work. I feel for the people who work with me..... Nobody has told me to shut the fuck up yet, so, they must like me.
lol... Oooops
I know exactly how you feel. I tend to get that way as well. THAT's why I'm trying this positive thingy. EVery time I get a negative or bitchy thought I pause... and replace it with a positive or nice thought.
It's fricken hard though - I'll tell you that.
Ask me in a week how things are going. EVen as I write this - there are things I want to bitch and complain about.
Damn... Who's idea was this anyway?


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/2/2020 6:38 am

    Quoting  :

lol... I dare you to try it for a day!
It's harder than you'd think.
You know what they say about the number of muscles it takes to frown vs the number of muscles it takes to smile...
I think I sprained a muscle smiling in the last day or so...FFS !


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/2/2020 8:21 am

    Quoting scoupe42:
    Paul, when you do a blogs, you always get people thinking after they read it, this is a sign of a good blog!
Thanks for stopping in. You know I appreciate your words all the time!
And ... BE Positive !!! lol


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/2/2020 8:25 am

    Quoting  :

Thanks for the props... lol

But the REAL test comes later today - when I try to navigate traffic in this city.
It's SLOWLY getting back to normal and that USUALLY means I blow a gasket somewhere down the road. OOOoops...
Not today though... hopefully ! I'm still smiling.


smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
6/2/2020 10:04 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    I like spending time with people I like to spend time with. Lucky you !
    Although even at work - I stay from all that stuff. I learned long ago, none of that crap pays off. I bite my tongue... a LOT! lol...
    I do have a sounding board (close friends and my brother) for other rants that capture my attention.
    That whole quarantine thing is a worthy rant that I can understand you voicing an opinion about. I mean, I still get a chance to get out and exercise or walk around and stuff - but I'd go nuts if I was compelled to stare at my four walls.
    I don't know how you do it as bravely as you do.
    And then... there is all that stuff going on in your neck of the woods. I guess complaint would be the wrong word to use, but would voicing a concerned opinion be a better description?
    Hmmm... With all the stuff going on everywhere, I'm less critical of the trafic jams I occasionally get stuck in. Ya know what I mean?
Oh I'm not a complete shut-in - I go for walks and bike rides, go grocery shopping and so on. Now that the weather is nicer it even helps to be out in my yard, weeding and planting.

I wouldn't dream of complaining about what's going on in my city, as I am very lightly affected compared to many others. Like I said in my blog, it's kind of the ultimate in white privilege when the main thing is that your neighborhood Trader Joe's is closed...


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/2/2020 2:56 pm

    Quoting smartasswoman:
    Oh I'm not a complete shut-in - I go for walks and bike rides, go grocery shopping and so on. Now that the weather is nicer it even helps to be out in my yard, weeding and planting.

    I wouldn't dream of complaining about what's going on in my city, as I am very lightly affected compared to many others. Like I said in my blog, it's kind of the ultimate in white privilege when the main thing is that your neighborhood Trader Joe's is closed...
I understand...
Every city has it's groups of agitators who simply try to profit from any situation. There was a recent demonstration here - in solidarity - and it all went well, until a group of agitators got involved.
Sad ... the way some folks just step in an miss the whole point !
Take care...
You're back to biking ? Kool !


scoupe42 60M

6/3/2020 11:15 am

Sometimes, we must get our point across! Complain better that doing nothing and nothing happens!


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/4/2020 7:23 am

    Quoting scoupe42:
    Sometimes, we must get our point across! Complain better that doing nothing and nothing happens!
You're right about that. That's a great point !


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/4/2020 7:26 am

    Quoting  :

Hi... Haven't seen you in a while. I hope all is well with you.
It could ALWAYS be worse - for everyone. I hope your version of 'could be worse' - isn't all that bad?
Anything new happening?


keithcancook 67M
18358 posts
6/7/2020 10:11 am

I once came to believe that it can be a good idea to change up yer buttons at certain points in life. Responding to the usual stimuli in the same way every time can put one in a rut.

I sometimes wish that complaining paid off. I could be a really really good one if I wanted. Likely one of the best... Ha!

blog on!


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/8/2020 6:12 am

    Quoting keithcancook:
    I once came to believe that it can be a good idea to change up yer buttons at certain points in life. Responding to the usual stimuli in the same way every time can put one in a rut.

    I sometimes wish that complaining paid off. I could be a really really good one if I wanted. Likely one of the best... Ha!

    blog on!
Good point about ruts. They do tend to develop easily and are tough to break out of. Thanks for the reminder. Complaining rarely pays off.
Hey... drop by any time !


scoupe42 60M

6/18/2020 3:17 pm

Hey Paul, I found out, why complain? Nobody listens anyway! Good blog!


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/18/2020 5:45 pm

    Quoting scoupe42:
    Hey Paul, I found out, why complain? Nobody listens anyway! Good blog!
True... Everyone has their own issues, right?


SpoGirl2002 22F

6/20/2020 2:16 am

Thanks


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
6/20/2020 3:50 am

You're welcome... Any time !


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