Ramblings of the depraved.....
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2022 3:06 am
2 Comments , 94 Pending
Snap, crackle, pop....
Posted:Jan 17, 2022 3:02 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2022 3:10 am

When you bend down to pick up the bath mat and it sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies with freshly poured mil....

Ugh.... Getting old sucks!

Have I mentioned that before??

My body is especially sore today, for some reason. I literally did NOTHING all day yesterday so there is no reason for it at all!

Yet, here I am, feeling ninety and dreading the fact that I have to get moving and start getting ready for my work day.


Wish me luck! I'm going to take two Advil and start my day.....

Happ.... Eh, to hell with it. It's not happy, it's just Monday.

Today's topic? How did you NOT see that coming??
Posted:Jan 14, 2022 3:11 am
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2022 12:13 pm

I in my office yesterday when one of the employees appeared in my door, crying, holding a doctors note.

"[Employee].... Are you ok?"

"I'm depressed. I have so much going on right now, I'm having to shell out so much , my doctor says I'm depressed...."

She went on to tell me she hadn't been able to sleep or eat and cried the whole time.

Had this not been the third employee to show up in my office and cry today, I might have actually felt a something....

Maybe not.

This particular employee is a 63 year old woman who had married a 23 year old mail order husband from Tibet.

What's causing her depression?

You guessed it!

As soon as he became an American Citizen he filed for divorce.

I sometimes wonder how the rest of the world can see something coming but the people in the moment cannot. This particular woman *looks* like a 63 year old woman with all the aches and pains that come along with being 63. This particular man is a 23 year old man with all the needs and urges that come along with being 23.

I'm just going to be honest here....

The woman with the coke bottle glasses who just had bunion surgery on both feet is probably not satisfying those needs and urges.

He used her for citizenship.

Boss #2 had been in her office and overheard part of the conversation and came over to help me out.

Thank God....

Cause my 'Give A Shit' had given out.

I sat and listened as she poured her heart out, and really did try to empathize....

But inwardly I kept thinking, you HAD to have seen this coming. There HAD to have been signs and indicators that he not fully committed to this relationship. You HAD to have known, but chose not to see it.

I think I would have felt differently if the situation had been different.

What if he had already been an American citizen, would it have made a difference?

I'm going to say yes.

If they had met organically and there no lure of a better life in America, I would have been more apt to believe there a heartfelt foundation to that relationship, age difference and all.

I'm definitely not one to judge age difference. My ex husband years older than I . We met organically though, and spent years together....

There is one aspect to this whole situation that does pull at my heartstrings.

And, that's the aspect that I think she genuinely did commit herself to him. She put her heart into the relationship only to have it crushed when she no longer needed. Having experienced heartbreak of my own, I can't help but feel compassion for that.

Such is life....

Happy Friday!
Only at my house....
Posted:Jan 12, 2022 11:52 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2022 6:36 am

Can you find yourself wearing the same pedicure as the Doggo AND the Spawn.

"Look Mom, I did Blu's nails too."

"I wondered what you were doing down there. Good lord...."

"We're triplets now."

Never have I ever.... Had my nails painted just like the dog's?

Take a drink!

I guess this is what happens when you let the Spawn do your pedicure....

Happy Thursday!
Coffee and Clay Mud Masks
Posted:Jan 12, 2022 1:15 am
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2022 5:17 pm

It's 3:54 am, of COURSE I'm sitting here, drinking my coffee, and wearing a clay mud mask!


Eh... Who needs it anyway???

Highly overrated!

If you remember my post about the most beautiful boy, you also remember I was contemplating buying that clay mud mask.

Truth be told, I did buy it....

And here I now sit, eagerly awaiting the transcendent, glowing skin promised to me by this Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay.

I'm going to be honest, it doesn't quite feel healing.

I kind of feel like my face is cracking off.


Yep! It is cracking off. I just saw a piece of it drop down into my coffee when I took a sip.

Thankfully it's all natural.


The best part of my day today will be the look on the doggos face when he saw me for the first time wearing this mask.

Have you ever seen a do a double take, cringe back in horror, and slowly back out of a room?

I have... It's fucking fantastic!

Happy Wednesday!!
On today's episode of 'Ask Secret_lade'....
Posted:Jan 11, 2022 12:48 am
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2022 5:31 pm

We'll talk about what NOT to say when trying to meet members of the opposite sex.

As you all know, it's the opening line that gets the attention.

Funny, intelligent, artfully crafted openers will draw me in every time... Long enough to catch my attention but not so long I'm reading about the best friend in kindergarten who grew up to be an eye doctor.

As a wearer of eye glasses.... I think I might actually like to meet that kindergarten best friend. I feel we may have something in common!

But, I digress...

Just keep it simple!

And, for God's sake, avoid these openers altogether!

-Are you real?
-im in town for the weekend wanna hookup
-i have 8 inces to feed ya
-I'm going through some shit, I'd like to just fuck for a while to get my mind off it.

I'm here to say, those openers?? Those openers are just a disaster waiting to happen. Nothing good can come of saying those words to ANYONE.

Especially me.

I see openers like this and and I see a smoldering dumpster fire just waiting to rage out of control. Exchange a message or two and you've got a blazing inferno of failed marriages and anger issues, topped off with a restraining order on top!

Yah..... No.

I had received one of those messages last weekend and did not respond. I was tempted to say, no I'm not real, but I didn't. I just left it unanswered and chose to move on.

Fast forward to yesterday morning when the sender messaged me again, this time with a semi-heartfelt message stating he was new to the online dating scene and he needed some help.

I felt bad for him.

And messaged him back.

I explained a few of the frustrations that I experience on the site in hopes that he could use it to better his approach, possibly help him out a little on his quest, and hoped he'd be able to use the info for good and not evil.

That backfired in my face and now this dumpster fire is burning out of control.


Wish me luck folks, I'm going to need a pretty big fire extinguisher for this one!

Happy Tuesday!
A Most Beautiful Boy
Posted:Jan 9, 2022 2:36 am
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2022 1:32 am

Have you ever taken a look at someone and your heart just goes....

Pitter patter?

Love at first sight! No words spoken, just a look, a feeling, an all knowing.

This used to happen to me often, when I was younger, not so much anymore. Anymore I am busy, and my mind is occupied, I spend the majority of my day seeing but not seeing what is all around me.

Who is all around me.

The Spawn and I went to the mall in TC yesterday. She'd seen an older photo of me, from back in the days when I used to put forth effort in my makeup stylings, and had convinced me this is something that needs to be done once again!

"Your eyes are so blue! Why are your eyes so blue?!? You should be wearing eyeliner to make them pop!"

The Spawn then went on to demand to know why I cursed her with brown eyes and called me selfish.

Oh, what a stinker.

It was while we were at Target that I spied him..... I was contemplating a clay mud mask purchase when i glanced up.

And he was looking at me.

It was as if I was frozen in place and I found myself staring back at him....

"Mom! You aren't listening to me. You really need to get new brushes. How old is your eyeshadow brush?!? You've been using it for like twenty years, have you ever even cleaned it??"

The trance was broken and I looked over at the Spawn as she continued to give me shit about my 'antique' makeup applicator brushes and lectured me on proper application.

When I looked back in his direction, he was gone. All that was left in his place was a nearly naked mannequin and a woman looking at a handbag.

But it left me wondering.....

What if?

What if I hadn't been there with the Spawn, would I have said Hi? Would he have approached me? What if our paths were meant to cross, it just happened to be the wrong time and place?

I may never know.

I do know one thing, though... The moment I saw him standing there, my heart went pitter patter.

Happy Sunday!
Mothman of Bellaire?
Posted:Jan 7, 2022 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Jan 9, 2022 11:46 pm

Have you ever found yourself in a situation and though....

What I thinking?!? Am I REALLY this stupid??? If I could go back in time by five minutes, I would NOT be doing *this*all over again!!!

This happens to me often, unfortunately.

Take, for instance, this morning....

It four degrees below zero and there I , wet hair from the shower and pajama clad, traipsing around in my pitch black back yard with the doggo waiting for him to go potty in the snow.

He had crouched down into a squat on the other side of the propane tank when I'd seen some movement from the corner of my eye.

Whipping my head around, I wasn't quite sure what I was expecting to see but I certainly didn't expect to see a big, dark object swoop out of the tree next to me and disappear into the darkness.

My life flashed before my eyes as I immediately started pondering in terror....

Were those red eyes?? Was that the mothman?? Is this the next Point Pleasant??

"Oh my God! Holy Shit, let's go inside!"

The doggo had seen it too and the two of us were off like lightning, headed to the front porch. We had just about made it to the door when all of a sudden we heard a hoot from somewhere off in the distance.

And that's when I tripped on my snow shovel, giving myself a tiny black eye when the handle flew back up and hit the bridge of my nose.

Eyes watering, heart pounding, scratching at the screen door....

The owl hooted again from his perch and I realized, it was the owl I'd seen fly from the tree, on his way to his next destination. I'd seen this owl before, I think, perched in a tree across the road one night when it was still summer.

I hurried back into the house, regardless, this chic wasn't going to be taking any chances. I've seen enough scary movies to know, it's always the characters who hang around to investigate that get killed off first.

I'll pass on that!

Happy Friday!
It's 2 a.m. my old friend....
Posted:Jan 5, 2022 11:52 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2022 12:49 am

Awake again in the middle of the night.

I've decided it's the perfect time to put thoughts into words....

I just wish my thoughts at the moment weren't....

Oh My Fucking God, why can't I sleep???

But, I digress.

My visit from the Mighty Marine the best Christmas gift ever, even if it did take an impromptu trip to Detroit Metro, two canceled flights, and one delay in Georgia. I have to say, when you're sitting in an airport waiting to pick up your and it's one catastrophe after another, it becomes a disheartening.

But the moment I saw him....

I will never forget that moment.

I knew two weeks would be gone in a flash so I did everything I could to be living in the moment.

Vacation time at work, spent very time online, revisited the fun memories we'd shared as a family in the past.

Just as I'd thought, two weeks were gone in a flash, though. Before I knew it, he hugging me goodbye and pulling out of my driveway to head back to where he came from.

I'm here to say, goodbye NEVER gets easier.... No matter how many times you say it.

My heart is whole, though, knowing he is safe and well and doing just fine. He misses home but he's found his new niche and is excited to be doing what he's doing.

Which makes me happy.

Happy Wednesday!
I cant find my remote... A Tale of Terror as told by Secret_lade
Posted:Jan 4, 2022 10:42 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2022 5:39 pm

I awoke in the night.... The room was dark and I was tangled in bed sheets and blankets.

"What the hell?!?"

Frustrated that I couldn't get my arm free, I flung the comforter from my body in an attempt to figure out what was going on.


The moment I flung that comforter an object struck the wall and I could hear it sliding down into the crevice between my bed and wall.


With my free arm, I quickly turned on the bedside lamp and surveyed the landscape of my room.

Too many scary movies again.

Everything was just as I'd left it when I'd fallen asleep earlier. I looked down to see that I'd managed to coil myself up in the top sheet on my bed, my legs were free but being a side sleeper my sheet had wrapped itself around my torso and bound one arm.

"Oh, shit. It was the remote."

I had started patting the bed down, looking for my remote, when it hit me....

That object?? Striking the wall next to me?? Was likely the remote flying through the air as I flung the comforter.

Ah, crap....

Why can't I just *not* fall asleep with the remote in my hand? It would certainly make life easier.....

If I did that, though... I'd not have this tale of terror to share with you all, though.

Happy Middle of the Night Tuesday!
The Mighty Marine is home at last!
Posted:Dec 19, 2021 6:49 pm
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2022 11:13 pm

Even if just for a visit.... My heart is happy.

After two canceled flights and one delay in Georgia, I found myself driving the four hour trek to Detroit Metro Airport to pick up my Marine.

I will never forget the moment I saw him, for the first time, standing on that sidewalk, waving me down as I nearly drove past him in the pick up line.

I didn't recognize him.

Gone my boy and there stood a man.

The moment he got in my car all right in the world, once again. The four hour drive there and two hour wait at the airport a distant memory.

All I could think of ....

My is home at last.

The four hour drive home seemed to fly by as we talked and caught up the whole time. I heard about the big trucks he learning to drive. I filled him in on all the work gossip. We chatted about his plans to catch up with friends while he home for his short visit.

After nine hours of driving and two hours of waiting, though.... I wiped out when I finally got home. We sat on the couch for about an hour, relaxing and watching a movie, just like old times, when I finally had to call it a night.

Toothpicks couldn't hold my lids open any longer.

It the best night's sleep I've had in a long time. My Might Marine being home on Christmas is the best present I have ever received.

So, so thankful....

Happy Sunday!
Move over Bobby Flay....
Posted:Dec 14, 2021 3:09 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2021 6:17 pm
There's a new chef in town!

Or.... So I'd hoped.... Until I cooked my air fryer manual and cookbook.


Just when I think I'm starting to improve, I try to burn the house down... Yet Again!!

What's worse?

I couldn't figure out where the smoke was coming from because the food I was cooking wasn't burning. I had somehow managed to layer potato wedges, olive oil, tinfoil, and manuals in the pan that I'd popped into the toaster over to cook for twenty minutes.

That takes talent!

It finally hit me that I didn't see the booklets on the counter and realized I hadn't taken them out of the pan before I put the tinfoil and taters on there.... So I was cooking them too.


I could use a private tutor for culinary instruction. Any professional chef's out there who would like to take on this challenge?

It could be your biggest challenge yet!

Happy Tuesday!
There's a new man in my life....
Posted:Dec 11, 2021 3:54 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2021 6:18 pm
His is Blu, he's nine years old, and he likes long walks on the leash.

I had popped onto the animal control site to at the kitties, the Spawn has been bugging me get another kitty, when I saw this guy.

And I just couldn't leave him .

They had picked him up as a stray, along with another, and the two of them had been microchipped but the information had been deleted from the chips. They were likely from the home.

The other pupper much younger and easily got adopted.

Poor Blu had been for a while, waiting for me come along.

"Well, what do you think?"

I turned the Spawn had been kind of just standing , silent, while the animal control officer put on her best sales face and tried us this lovable chun You could see she giving her all.

"I can see you aren't really digging him, 's ok say so, you don't feel guilty. is someone else has expressed an interest in him, 'll be o"

I about ready say, 'show me some kitties' when she piped up.

"I love him."

I looked at the officer, she looked at me, and we both turned and looked at the Spawn.

"Ok then, I think we're heading home with a new family member."

The next half hour a flurry of fitting for collars and finding cute leashes, beds and blankets, and in-depth conversations about which toys were his favorites.

For the adoption of $45, I went home with Blu, his collar, a $25 hands free runner's leash, a $35 pillow bed, a $ fleece blanket, a brand new tube of Penn tennis balls, and his 2 favorite toys...

Not going to lie, this pupper is already spoiled.

Happy Saturday!


I'm so mad! The site strikes again and my pic was lost in the glitch. Grrr...

So, I'm adding it again. He's too cute not to share.


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