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How to impress a woman 5/1/2007
How to impress a woman: compliment her, cuddle her, kiss
her, caress, love her, tease her, comfort her, protect
her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine
her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go the ends
of the earth for her. How to impress a man: turn up naked with beer.
0 Comments, 65 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Honestly!!! 5/1/2007
Two cows standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated
this morning."
"I don't believe you, " replies Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
1 Comments, 88 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Finish the old stories.... 5/1/2007
Little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how
was I born?"
The father answers: "Well, , I guess one day you
will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together
in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with
your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded
room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard
drive. As soon as I was ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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golf course 5/1/2007
Question: Do you know the most difficult Golf Course in
this world?
Answer: “Woman’s hole” No matter how many strokes or style
u play, your balls will never go in!
0 Comments, 50 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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some parents know where are their priorities 5/1/2007
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her
period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to
the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows
that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who
was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The
girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops ...
2 Comments, 193 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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Loses Virginity 4/30/2007
A 17 year-old comes home one day with a grin from ear to ear
and proudly proclaims to his father that he is no longer
a virgin. His father is pleased to have another "MAN"
in the house and goes to the fridge and grabs a couple of beers.
He hands his a beer and beaming with pride says, ",
tell me all about it...what was it like?" The tells
his father, "Dad, it was incredible, but I have one ...
1 Comments, 251 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
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When I Was 4/30/2007
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion.
So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried
all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with
stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Retired 4/28/2007
Upon reaching 65, old Tom decided to retire. After having
him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated
with him. She suggested he go and do something to occupy
his time, like join a club or get a hobby.
Old Tom obliged and went out for a couple of hours. When he
got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh,
I just went down to the park and hung out with the ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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language skills 4/27/2007
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived
happily ever after in Toronto . However, the poor lady was not very
proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.
The real Problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One
day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't
know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, ...
3 Comments, 129 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
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MARKETING 4/27/2007
>> The buzz word in today's business world is
MARKETING. However,
>> people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."
>> Well, here it is:
>>
>> 1.You're a woman and you see a handsome guy
at a party.
>> You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic
in bed."
>> That's Direct ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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ARE YOU GIVING 100% ? 4/27/2007
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more
than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone
wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What
makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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NEW FED TAX ON MALE THINGMAJIG 4/27/2007
2007 Tax Code
The only thing that the Goverment has not taxed yet is the
male penis. This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it
is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard
up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents
and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2007, the penis will ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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ELDERLY GAMBLING WOMAN 4/27/2007
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning
with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account
and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because,
she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the
is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the
president's office.
The president of the Bank asked ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Have you registered your man yet? 4/26/2007
Fall Classes for Men at THE LONG PRAIRIE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Monday, Oct 30, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS
MAXIMUM .
Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for ...
1 Comments, 56 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS 4/25/2007
A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair,
turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring
me a beer before it starts". She looked a little puzzled,
but bought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick,
bring me another beer. It's going to start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone, ...
1 Comments, 143 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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Still lookin' 4/25/2007
Husband and wife in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She:"Oh that feels good." His hand moves to her breast. She: "Gee, honey that feels wonderful." His hand moves to her leg. She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops. She: "Why did you stop?" He:"I found the remote."
2 Comments, 168 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Your momma... 4/22/2007
Your mommas pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born
he died of rug burn.
0 Comments, 109 Views,
8 Votes
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Creation of pussy... 4/22/2007
THE CREATION OF THE PUSSY
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to
their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using
a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong
and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third
was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined
it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a ...
1 Comments, 155 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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An oldie but a goodie... 4/22/2007
An eskimo takes his snowmobile into a garage. The mechanic
has a look and says, 'Looks like you've blown a
seal', to which the eskimo replies, 'No, mate,
it's just frost on my moustache!'
1 Comments, 99 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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three person 4/22/2007
there are 3 person (muslim , cristain and hindu) they went
to long jouney in the way they bought some sweats , but sweats
are little bit , they decited together who'll saw a
nice dream tonight than he can eat sweats. and they asleep,
in the morning they awake up first the hindhu said that i
saw a nice dream last night , i saw our kalidhevi came and
she broght me and show me the world. they are ...
0 Comments, 120 Views,
2 Votes
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After the date 4/22/2007
After Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if
she had a good time.
Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's
in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you?"Chelsea
said, "Not according to Dad."
3 Comments, 172 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Golf anyone 4/21/2007
Ed and Dorothy met while on vacation, and Ed fell head over
heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation,
the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they
would continue the relationship.
"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf
nut, " Ed said to his lady friend. "I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so
if that's a problem, you'd better say so now." ...
1 Comments, 110 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Jamaican Sandals 4/20/2007
A married couple walked into a tourist shop. The Jamaican
said to them, "I have some special sandals I think
you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals
after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really
didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband
asked the man, "How could sandals make you ...
1 Comments, 169 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Tools 4/20/2007
Tools and their REAL uses. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in
the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against
that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of ...
1 Comments, 85 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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The Devil showed up 4/20/2007
A few minutes before weekly services started, the townspeople
were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at
the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the
front entrance in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman
who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly ...
0 Comments, 105 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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names! 4/19/2007
A guy walked into a bar and asked for a drink, the bartender
said sure i just need the name of your penis, The man said
ok give me a minute. So the man asked another guy at the bar
what the name of his penis was and he said a FORD the guys guy
asked a ford y? Its built tough. OK then he goes to another
guys and asked the name of his penis and the guy said its a
CHEVY. Y a chevy he ...
1 Comments, 226 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Perfect Shot 4/17/2007
Ed stood over his tee shot on the long ninth for what seemed
an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but
didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, " What the
hell is taking you so long?"
"My wife, Di is up there watching me from the clubhouse
balcony, " Tom explained. "I wanna make a perfect
shot."
"Oh come on Ed, " his ...
0 Comments, 128 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score
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Religious John 4/16/2007
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices A sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF 10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without Second thought.. ..Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF T. FRANCIS HOUSE OF 5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize ...
0 Comments, 174 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score
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Psychiatrist phone 4/16/2007
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4,
5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and
what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Three Blondes at the Gate 4/15/2007
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before
St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the
Kingdom of Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde said, "Easter is the holiday where
they have a big feast, give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter rolled his eyes, said, "Blondes, "
and banished her to Hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is ...
0 Comments, 79 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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